There’s a war in Ukraine and I’m writing a poem
Which isn’t the dumbest thing to ever happen
But something more of less
It’s past 3:30am, my head hurts, and I can’t sleep,
But I slept a few hours earlier when I was down on the couch after a bunch of crabs and a couple Maryland Mules and a touch of Whistle Pig
The rest of it melted down the ice in the glass by the time I woke up
This is stupid and going nowhere
This world is stupid and going nowhere in this stupid little right now with my head hurting and not sleeping and now 3:44am, but that’s gonna happen
Tomorrow my head won’t hurt anymore and I’ll get in a good run and the weather is changing and the world will be going somewhere
Some good some bad some terrible some worse some amazing
Tomorrow will happen
It’s 3:49am and one of our dogs isn’t feeling well — she makes the funniest noises all the time, too — groans mostly
Then there are vape dojos and break rooms and home theater systems and fossil fuels and unfortunately still a war in Ukraine
What to do with all the math that builds up everywhere?
What to do with the time between lunch and dinner?
How to be on my phone less? but the double- triple-bind that this is where I do all my writing and a good deal of reading, too
It’s 3:53am and one of our cat’s is sick, too, this is the best night-morning!
How do I waste less time? and no I’m not talking about leisure
How do I beat myself up less and support myself more?
Which is also, who am I? What the hell am I doing? What am I here for?
What am I here for?
What am I here for?
What am I hear for?
The past couple years has been a real the world doesn’t need me anymore vs. some people need me vs. the world never needed me tilt-a-whirl
Late capitalism is a motherfucker, is what I’m saying
And also, that I blame John Hughes for a whole lot, too
But I did enjoy smoking at times — that’s another morherfucker — but I came to understand I didn’t enjoy it a whole lot more and things just happened
Catherine died of breast cancer
I’m getting older
I’m getting less distracted in some ways and more distracted in others
My Aunt Carol died of lung cancer, my mom has COPD
But I miss sitting around a fire outside having a cigarette and a drink
And tipping needs to go away, too
Like water into a packing boat, drunk?
A drain, a relationship to the equator, pulling back on the yoke and pushing past the clouds
No thunderheads
Maybe sleep soon
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