Camera 5 (December 24, 2009)

Report anyone crawling through this culvert.

I guess it’s that time of year.
Doing what we can
Even when what we can is badly.

Grate, gate, passageway. Nothing.
Minutes and hours and hours and nothing.
Meals and gifts and conversations and
Soon bowl games. Lots of bowl games.

For 2010, three-hundred and sixty-five days will line up, one after another.
For 2010 the guard will change many times.
But for 2010

9:51 p.m.

Camera 3 (December 21, 2009)

This area is a high crime area. If you see suspicious activity in this area please report.

Just about three days to get my shit together.
Sharing,
Sleeping,
Preparation. And lots of it.

I’m way behind.
My nephew was a belly crawler.

The view pulses, you can’t see it in a still shot.
I’m looking at it right now. The buildings glow
Or maybe burn or
Flare and jump.
Imperfect translations..

One hundred years ago they saw ghosts.

1:58 a.m.

Don't Look Down

There is dancing and there is eating.
My throat is fucked, so the eating is becoming human.

I love seeing older men rollerskate
They are black and wear black v-neck tees
They skate lines awake to the 70s and
In just a few nods I’m thinking

Back and forth and back back and forth and back and forth again
A great song from an earlier age of not looking down

Back back because dancing, really dancing, and city upon city, and watching the snow coming down and forth again

I get it.
And when I’ve got it, I'll get to working on making peace with all this not looking down.

--

for December 5, 2009 and a few other days

As Seen, Posted Above a Urinal

Seems like the thread started with that just-as-witty shaving commercial -- something like, "the tree looks taller when the underbrush is cleared away" (was it Gilette?) -- is here to stay.

Keep it classy, Bally.

November 17

The pastry of my discontent sits in the fridge.

Was Martin Smid a real math student?
There's something that doesn't matter.

Rumors of impending doom for the late night.

I developed a taste for butternut, and I'm afraid the season's gonna pass me by.

That reminds me: get the pumpkin thing at the Helmand – everybody says so.

I'm going to just play louder and louder.
My nose is going to bleed and I'm going to play louder.
Things'll get caught in my throat and I'm going to play louder.
Gunshots, grocery stores, short walks, furniture, trains, cooking utensils, underground and over and I'm going to play louder.
I'm going to play louder and louder and louder.

Look in there. Just look.

Things Done, Things to Do

You should go see A Serious Man, the new Coen Brothers film. I was up in the air and haven't-seen-her-in-forever Tina said it was good, so I skipped staring at goats and went to this -- conveniently right around the corner from my place. What a great follow up to No Country. Am I the only one who thinks that? Same feel, only in a midwestern suburbs and very Jewish way. I'm sure a lot of the cultural nuances were lost on me, but damn was it good.

I went home and drank a beer in the backyard, standing on a chair and looking around the neighborhood over the fence. It's a momentary-perspective-shifter kind of movie... like The Wrestler without all the ugh, or Pecker. But maybe those are two more cases of "I'm the only one that feels that way."

Last night (Saturday), J and I checked out Times New Viking at the Talking Head. Also good stuff. You should check them out, too. Unless you don't like things that are fast, loud, and fuzzy. If you don't like those things, then you probably don't like me. Thanks for the much needed company J.

I Like Working with Good People Who Work with Good People

The Humane Society

I spend my days at Threespot (more or less), and I'm going to take the rare moment to give big ups to my colleagues. Check out this super-small sampling of client launches in these past 12 months. For the record, we aren't as always-left as this little portfolio would imply. But they are all names I'm guessing you know.

ACLU

If this makes you hungry, maybe you should come work with us someday. One of the mantras around the halls these days (did you start it Colgrove? is it a quote?), "Do good. Be great."

Planned Parenthood

Bragging now complete. And for the record I didn't get to make serious contributions to any of these due to commitments to other equally great clients, so it is only bragging-once-removed. Like when you talk about how a friend of yours is about to publish 2010's most important book of poetry (unless it comes out in 2009, wherein it will be 2009's most important).

I Haven't Written in a While, But I Have a Lot I Should Write About (Soon)

And Now Wunderkammer on JGP

Or at least Paula Gilovich on a picture of JGP that she didn't know was JGP. It's a great piece, and it's a picture of skinny ass me in an unflattering wrestling singlet... How could you possibly not click through?

"Writers as Kids: To Wrestle," Paula Gilovich (at Wunderkammer)

JGP at Wunderkammer

Here's the picture of Melissa Walker that I started with. Here's the piece I wrote.

Thanks again to Kathryn Regina for putting it together. Be sure to check the many other great ones in the series (since my last posting, I've really dug many but will call out the Christopher Higgs-Sam Pink pairing!).

Entire Contents of my Seven Year-old Daughter's First-Ever BCC'd Email

Writers as Kids (at Wunderkammer)

Kathryn Regina pulled together this great little series for a couple weeks of guest editing at Wunderkammer. She solicited photos of writers as kids and then swapped the photos around (without identifying who was in the pictures) within the group. The writers then wrote brief pieces (400 words or less) inspired by the pictures. I don't think it is great because I participated, but I can't wait for mine to show up.

This one by Della Watson (about a drawing of a photo of Matthew Savoca) is my favorite so far I think: OMFG, Outfield Again. (Been there.)

And the picture of Adam Robinson is adorable, don't miss it!

On the Way to San Francisco: Interim Update

O'HARE INTERNATIONAL: One of the women next to me was very afraid of flying. She clutched the seat in front of her a number of times, which was oddly nice for me, because she generally overflowed her seat and when reaching forward like that overflowed it less.

I'm glad she didn't get sick.

The i.e. reader looks good and the proof changes should be minor. But do note that pre-orders help pay for galley changes as well as the payments on the Narrow House corporate jet and corporate Miami-based cigarette boat.

Bananas are perfect.

I get a runny nose when I fly. The first thing I do after landing is go to the bathroom and blow my nose. Then I get incredibly dizzy for a bit.

I have my best run at an outline /sequencing for the heroine story. I, of course, put it together during the descent into O'Hare.

On Doughnuts

In keeping with Very Most Good's new brand promise (Taking on today's most pressing topics®), I ask:


Love,
Jamie

That's Some Serious Stop Motion

Wow.

On Iran and Nuclear Warheads

While I worked in Arms Control (1996 - 1999) we saw both India and Pakistan become nuclear states. I do understand that it was probably my fault, I didn't work hard enough.

That said, these are two countries that are next door to one another and have active conflict in border areas nevermind having had all out slugfests in the not-too-distant past. In doing so, these countries took on significant budget-burdens in maintenance, security, etc. but also seemed to end up better off in the international scene when all was said and done.

Now Iran... Iran is believed to be developing nuclear weapons, and I'm sure I can get with that assessment. But their neighbor Israel is widely believed by experts to have upwards of 50 nuclear weapons (and some think the number may be in the hundreds). I saw these numbers from experts (the Arms Control Association where I worked, but also at other reputable institutions like the Federation of American Scientists).

Meanwhile, while Iran was party to the Nuclear Non-Proliferation Treaty which aims to limit the spread of nuclear weapons (though they have violated it in the past and probably are now), Israel has never even signed on to the treaty and maintains complete international opacity as to what they are holding. Which came first, the chicken or the egg? I won't pretend to know.

So why isn't there a diplomatic option to pursue here that includes Israel signing the NPT and disarming? They've signed non-nuclear weapons pacts in the past, but let's face it, if a country ever got into a situation where they thought they needed to employ such weapons all those pacts would go out the window in the blink of an eye.

I understand that Israel is a much closer ally than anyone involved in the India-Pakistan situation at the time (though that nuclear stuff does tend to have widespread effects you know), and that warrants a much stepped up response in comparison... but it just seems like such an easy solution. "I'll disarm if you'll disarm." "I'll subject to international monitoring if you'll subject to international monitoring."

I'm pretty sure we have a strong enough relationship with Israel that they fall under the aegis of our nuclear deterrent and don't really need to fret carrying this on their own. And they seem to lose a lot more by Iran having weapons like that than gain by keeping a hold of their own.

I know this is quite a random post compared to what usually occupies this space. I feel my past rearing on up. I'm hoping a pretty picture I took in Adams Morgan helps to mitigate any jarring.

Sweatpants at the Whole Gallery (H+H Building, Baltimore) Tonight

Playing at a gallery opening along with the Ten Elevenths and a buncha great art work. Doors at 8pm, playing at ???

The details:
http://www.facebook.com/event.php?eid=150257442136&ref=share

From the Baltimore City Paper...

...my contribution to "The Storytellers: 27 Writers on 27 Short Stories from 27 Authors"

Ernest Hemingway's "Hills Like White Elephants"
The American, the girl, a flat conversation, a nearly featureless landscape. Every quiet adjective, every sparing adverb cherry-picking silenced ache from the lives you've lived. It's happening somewhere right now. My life as a writer has two phases: what came before "please please please please please please please," and what came after. Gaps that can't be bridged or forgotten. (Jamie Gaughran-Perez)

---
Other contributions include Adam Robinson on Ryan Call's "I Pilot My Bed Deep Into the Night"; Justin Sirois on Breece Pancake's "Trilobites"; and many other quick 60-words-or-less bits worth reading. Go go go, aleady.

Mine is way too American Poet Voice, huh? C'est dommage.

Can You Feel the Fire in a Boy’s Eyes?

(To Autumn, John Keats, and George Herbert)

Zippers, buttons, and snaps;
Buckles, sashes, and ties.

Memorials wrapped tight
Around lightposts ’round here.

Then geese back and forth.

Cups and saucers and coffee.

A shout enveloped in his cape.

Good hope, Ann and Elizabeth.
The horn by the ocean.
The Providence Sparrow.
 

Charles Darwin reaches the Galapagos Islands

It doesn’t crush. It doesn’t hold.
I don’t want to make this seem horrible. She scanned the shelves for just the right mustard and found it. She knew her available balance. She was dressed well for the weather. It’s almost fall and the days mix from cool to too warm for a jacket and back again. She used to walk to school.

It doesn’t hold so it doesn’t crush again.
I don’t want to make this seem hopeless. She used to buy records at record stores, but does that online now. They aren’t records anymore. She has good friends and many acquaintances. Things come together, change, and then come together again. Rent is reasonable. September is my favorite month and is always followed by October. Her birthday will fall on a Tuesday.

It doesn’t crush what it doesn’t hold.
I don’t want to make this seem to be something it isn’t; but am afraid it might be.
 

My Fantasy Football Team

Something tells me I missed a memo.

9.9.09 // 9:09 (p.m.)

I was thinking about something. Then I had a moment of something else. The day continues. Twelve more if by sea.
 

9.9.09 // 9:09 (a.m.)

 
Squeezing into spaces.
The good side of right-sizing.
Not about failure.

---

It's a lot harder to change gears on a dime than I thought it'd be. At midnight I wasn't in the middle of anything except having the idea to do this. Let's see what happens at 9:09pm.

9.9.09 // 00:09

Earlier I wrote, Hubris is not a river in Iraq. Who first made use of a rudder? I'm sure Wikipedia could help you with that. The early Egyptian pillow was more a wooden headrest. I've written about that before, too. This life requires more sleep. Pay attention when you drive.

---

First of what I hope will be three 60-second pieces written today. This one at 12:09 am or 00:09, the next at 9:09 am and then last at 9:09 pm. I haven't looked at my morning schedule to see if I have a meeting conflict wanting to get in the way. What's a minute?

Hubris is not a river in Iraq

For the Price of a Cup of Coffee Everyday

There is this great scene in 21 Jumpstreet. It's the moment you realize Johnny Depp will be not only a lifelong crush, but a star. He's dealing with the death of his wife in a corner store robbery, and the small window of time he had in which he could have reacted and saved her. He's standing in front of a mirror with a stopwatch and seeing that he could take off his pants in that amount of time. He's beating himself up.

It's Friday and there is a lot to do beside looking back at years of scorched earth. I wish I got more time outside the past few days. I do love September.

And So Captured

And so captured when less than least expected. Like walking by the corner liquor store, Baltimore 2008, and seeing a robbery in progress. But just continuing on down the street like it didn't happen. That didn't happen to me or anyone I know.

But the other night, after some rain, someone aggressively passed me on a three-lane road, black quasi-sporty car, no doubt pedal pressed to the floor. Ten or twenty yards after swerving back into my lane they lost control, wobbled, smashed along the left rail and then bounced right off the road and car-length-deep into the woods. The stopping wasn't a spectacular tree wrapping, it was a quiet thing. In the rearview I saw someone else stopping, so I didn't. I imagined a drunk and belligerent individual hot with somehow it was my fault. Another car behind me didn't stop either, and I burned with the shame of not-stopping until that other car turned off down the road a bit later. This did happen.

Every time I open a page. Every time I pass someone on the street. Every time I turn on the TV. Every time there is sunshine or rain or wind or snow. Every time I play a card. Every time I stub my toe or fumble in the dark. Every time I hold on or hold out or let go. It will happen. I will do more.

Sweatpants' New Guide to Fridays

Monday will now be known as Shitty Friday.
Tuesday will now be known as Nothing Friday.
Wednesday will now be known as Hump Friday.
Thursday will now be known as Awesome Friday.
Friday will now be known as Friday.
Saturday will now be known as Post-Friday.
Sunday will now be known as Sleepy Friday.

Please refer any questions to Sweatpants.

floating light bulb that explodes and looks like a skull (from LaserBread)

floating light bulb that explodes and looks like a skull, originally uploaded by Laser Bread.

She/he continues to lend a little something something to my weeks. You should follow his/her flickr stream -- one new good thing everyday, and achieves straight up awesome at least once every few days.

Friday, The Week In Progress

Thanks to my colleague who can out herself if she wants to, who drew this great meeting-doodle of M. at a random moment. This week was a strange one -- and I'm sure this weekend will continue the trend. In the immortal words of A. Rob, "Good job, everyone."

Happy Monday

If you don't watch True Blood, this is probably stoopid.

In which case perhaps you should go look at the BEST ANIMATED GIF EVAH. (You should prob do that anyway.)

Peace be with you (and also with you).

Brief Anagrams with Hideous Men

Make a Day of It

I use more paper products than anyone I know... napkins, tissues, paper towels. I do try to use rags in place of paper towels. And I'd probably use cloth napkins if they were around. Though, too many nosebleeds removes the possibility of handkerchiefs.

I get uncomfortable eating a meal, or even a snack, without a napkin. And prefer a second backup napkin when available. RE the backup: Is that because I eat so quickly and voraciously? Do I not trust my hand-to-mouth coordination?

I wipe my hands on a napkin almost constantly when eating. This isn't always the case. Sometimes I eat an entire sandwich without putting it down... but this is me consciously avoiding wiping my hands.

You'd think I'm OCD, but I love eating off other people's plates, don't wash vegetables when I'm the only one eating, and generally think dirt, grime, and the weaker side of microbes or evil chemicals are all good for me in the grand scheme of things. Like exercise on the cellular level.

I ate cake off a barroom floor once. A glass fell and broke where the cake had been mere moments later. This story always comes up when someone is first getting to know me.

Read as if July 30

As if I remembered to record a small bit of last night's band practice and share it

As if I had some delicious beer while sharing company with great folks

As if I had delicious wine and delicious conversation

As if I started to find something I can work with in the eddies and didn't immediately spit it out

As if I remembered the power of stating the obvious when you are carrying around the obvious in your head for too long and it is starting to eat little obvious-sized holes in things better left intact

As if I finished writing that song with the slow, disassembled disco beat, and repetitive monotonic bass line, and micro guitar silos and "hands were made for hand grenades and howitzers and hellfire and holocaust" and "EVERYBODY DANCE NOW" over and over

But you made progress and you are going to remind yourself that means something

Everybody dance now!
Everybody dance now!
Everybody dance now!
Everybody dance now!

Are You Ready, Yet?

You both thought you were there. You kept moving because you realized you weren't. Or you realized you weren't because you were still moving.

Three cities in three days.
A break. A space. An object.

Objections and protein.
And protein and protein.

Reading in Atlantic City This Weekend (no sirriously)

Click the picture to embiggen.

I'll be reading between 6pm and 8pm along with 10 other people (including my Narrow House co-conspirators, Justin Sirois and Lauren Bender) at the Boardwalk Pavillion -- which is apparantly near Bally's.

Other readings on Friday and Saturday include a buncha people that I've never met but are no doubt worth checking out (again, click the piktur to embiggen).

And then there is the gambling (and hanging out)... I'll be convincing my co-conspirators to bring all our i.e. Reader pre-sale cash (a fund you can contribute to with your own pre-order!) and turn it into years of funding. YEARS I SAY!

Stay Classy, Beta-Carotene!

Carrots will help you see at night. Rain won't.

These eyes were made for seeing.
These hands were made for

Open the doors and see all the people.

You'll Be Happier

You will make grand lists. You will capture everything until you are immobile. You will try. You will be immovable. You will be the storm. You will eat in the morning. You will shift imperceptibly. You will eat at night. You will start over. You will sleep. You will read. You will want to get more done. And you will sleep.

July 25: An Instruction Manual

Young Kimchi

Cucumber Kimchi
Scallop Ceviche
Watermelon + Tomato salad (that name undersells it)

Crab Mac-n-Cheese (Justang!)
Black beans

Guacamole
Red cabbage slaw
Chipotle mayo
Pico de gallo
Tropical salsa

Fish marinated in
lime, tequila, cilantro, chipotle
(varying per fish):
Catfish
Red snapper
Tilapia
Tuna

Bacon-wrapped scallop skewers with butter-maple glaze

Beverages galore.
Friends galore.

This is how we barbecue.
Come join us in Baltimore.

(And yes this is totally my four horseman post for today. Though there may be more.)

Make Up (for July 23)

Click the image to enlarge!


Elephant with boombox picture from Laserbread -- who has no idea that he/she has become VMG's official house illustrator. All other photos / illustrations borrowed liberally.

An actual July 24 post will come later today.

Stay Classy, Friends!

Sometimes you feel like an apple.
Both put down and let down play
Many roles in this fitting drama.
Can you hear it? Can you?

Can it all be said?
Will it all be said?
Has it all been said?
When it's all been said.

I once wrote about a
A trick that involved
Both an unravelling
And an ending.

On the Grid / On the Grid

Alternate title: Stay Classy, Mtv!

Stay Classy, River Sprite!

Saturday is past.

Can you stop with the counting?
Your pulse will be.

 

Something About Taxes; Something Like For Adam Good

Some Posts Are Dangerous!

I am testing a new phone

Bear with. The crazy skull case is osm.

Lightspeed's Promise / Lightspeed's Threat

Jon and Kate Plus Eight (Make Up Post for July 14)

(Click to englarge photo. Need to sort out the "true sized" photos in this here blog template.) Still blurry because I don't have time to code it as a table right now so it is a big honker of an image. I will pretend that polish is overrated for now so I can sleep at night.






And for the record... I thought of what this post would be and gathered all the pieces of it / did the writing yesterday... just didn't have the time to put it all together.

Weekend Report After Justin, Just Sunday Edition with Dan Deacon, and an Adam Robinson Echo

 
Despite my utter lack of hindquarters, I was a giant ass.
I stared myself down and got crazy with scissors.
I regretted.

I realized that it wasn’t the text message that would rule them all.
I got clear-headed with clippers.

I got in the car.
I got outside.

It took a while for the sky to open. But open it did and The Crystal Cat rained down in a giant oval with group gesturing, and running, and jumping, and collisions, and not even sweating shoves from a no-doubt-asswipe. I left my head for my belly. I was well-warmed.

Thanks, world. You know who you are.
Good job, everybody. You know who you are.

The Dead (excerpt, draft)

Setting up this piece (scenes that haven't been written yet): our glad-sashed Heroine had been battling a gang called The Assembly for months. Some battles were won, some lost, as she thwarted their escalating criminal activities.

The Assembly eventually constructs a device that unleashes massive destruction upon our world. Our glad-sashed Heroine stops the destructive force, but in doing so must take drastic actions with terrible consequences.

She strains, tears seep from the corners of her eyes, then blood, then bile. Something breaks inside her. People suffer horribly throughout the city even as complete annihilation is averted. This piece, not yet completed, is an accounting of the unthinkable cost of saving the world.

from The Dead

North Ring
Orville Allen (hemorrhage)
Ursula Carroll (heart failure)
Raphael Curtis (stroke)
Gary Davis (stroke)
Lea Espinosa (heart failure)
Anton Eutsler (asphyxiation suffered during seizures)
Danny Gallagher (stroke)
Son Hawkins (heart failure)
Amos Kennedy (massive exsanguination)
Shelton Kraft (internal hemorrhage)
Harold Loeffelholz (organ failure)
Earnest Lujan (unexplained asphyxiation)
Deloris Magee (heart failure)
Haley Mays (heart failure)
Eileen McClure (shock)
Ruth Mendez (hypothermia)
Odetta Morgan (stroke)
Ida Morris (stroke)
Nettie Page (heart failure)
Edward Parker (organ failure)
Will Pruitt (excessive fever)
Ian Ramos (kidney failure)
Lelia Stickland (asphyxiation)
Leonard Tackett (heart failure)

---
Note to my fellow Horsemen and others... I have a big reading next week in Baltimore (on Saturday, 7/18) and so I'm sure a few of my posts in the coming week will be more leading up to that -- working out bits that need working out -- and less in response to the other Horseman. Though, I'm hoping the Horsemen help lift me over stumbling blocks with their own work.

This piece is certainly one of those "prep pieces."

“It’s all arbitrary.”

- The Raven-Headed Interloper

“You’ll always be a representation to me.”

- The Quantum Twin

Vote for My Colleague's Threadless Design

A tshirt design from one of the programmers I work with. Yeah I said one of the programmers, not one of the designers or illustrators. What a country!

Redacted Secrets

I'm not sure why the text is so blurry. Tips?

One Two

A Gentle Poll For You, My Gentle Readers

Whenever I stay in a hotel, I fold my dirty clothes. I think this might not be all that normal. You?

Novel Apple Trails and Matchboxes and Industry

“eGovernor, laws of motion (if I may so express myself) which are the source of, and give direction to an universal freedom, choice and liberty...”

My name is John

“HTML Corvette, I submit the following information…”

My name is Patrick

“1991 Aluminum, productivity trends in the United States of freedom, are the incremental change in reference – the very chi-squared of freedom for the Similar.”

Here I made you a mix tape

My gmail account has been hacked!
Two reviews happened.

So what I decided to do was to do something.

“Cell Phone Themes, now I can say thank you.”

Lounge, wear, freedom, smartwool, women’s sophististripe, crew, unlisted.

It Is A (Face (Forward))

Lately, people have been noting there are no "forward facing" photos of me. I hate those kinds of pictures of myself.

I used to take the worst school photos -- facial expressions, hair, carriage -- all the way through college. (A) is a bit like a school photo. It was taken for work, back before the economy fell apart the time before the latest economy falling apart. What was I thinking with that soul patch gone wild? I miss those glasses.

Sometimes it happens when I'm less then sober, like (C) when I was in Amsterdam or say at a holiday party. Sometimes I get caught off guard. Sometimes you don't see it coming.

Other times I'm just worn out (B). It's not always best to fight it. This is a difficult lesson to live or learn.

Hat Trick

If I was Kate or Adam or Jon I would have some wicked software to cut and splice and mix and overdub these into something you would dig. But today you will have to do all that with your mind.

Layers of emotionally fraught imagery, childhood memory, and pure magic. It was the order of the day...

Some Walls

Stonewall

Climbing wall

Berlin Wall
Great Wall of China

Wall Street

Wall of Sound

Proudly Full Of

As if the day is too long

Sighs are signs are steadfast

Beds for bellies believe this Spring

Timely temperature, timely turnabout
Forbidden fruits de mer you will be mine

tested
wooden
over

---
This is a post-published make up post (actually written / publishing on 7/4). I don't have an Internet connection at home right now... which makes the weekend assignments harder to get done. Yes, yesterday was actually Friday and not the weekend... but I wasn't at work. Hopefully I will have found some work around by next weekend.

I Just Remembered How Much It Scared Me When You Stopped Digesting

(Second day. Third hour. Fourth, horses.)

Acceptable violence. Accept violence. Invite.

Lesson learned and lesson followed sound good together,

but sounds good isn't worth much at 3 a.m.

Hydrate, hydrate, hydrate. Every you in

every moment makes black spots dance across your eyes.

It will be a comfortable weight.

They are of sinew and massive. And we all

Rapid Response Force (Five)

It is July 200 B.C.
It is the height of tailoring.
It is the sheer height.

It is July 1945.
My skin has yet to be ravaged by sun and sea.
An invisible architecture of wrought mist.
You can look now.
No really.
Look.

It is July 1066.
The ceiling is in the basement.


It is July 2001
And I'm only going to ask you once, Ma'am,
Stop making so much sense.